day 231

my exams are over!
i’m really glad i managed to make it till now, with a lot of help from everyone around me.

even though i missed 1 month’s class,
but my friends have helped me cope with assignments so that i’m not far behind..
and my darling tutors me to help me with the tutorials.

when i’m at home, my mother and brother takes care of me like i’m a baby.
and my girlfriends are there for me the way i am there for them..
i never ask for anything in return when it comes to friends,
therefore when they give something back to me, i’m really touched.

i’m really thankful for this beautiful entourage in my life.

not to forget the supportive skin friends..
all the brave warriors who’re fighting this war together with me.
they know every pain that i’m suffering and every worry that’s on my mind..

in this darkness, i can see very clearly all the sparks of light.
they light up this path for me, and i’m really.. so glad for all of them.
words can’t express how thankful i feel.

things must have happened for a reason.
there’s no point in asking myself “why did this happen to me? what did i do to deserve this?” anymore.
it doesn’t change anything.
when i can finally accept the fact and see the silver lining to it,  it actually makes me feel a whole lot better.
and in actual fact, i think i’m lucky.
even though the whole withdrawal process sucks hard, given a choice i wouldn’t want to be part of this shit at all….
but since it has already happened, i do feel i’m quite lucky.

thanks to the withdrawal, i’ve become a whole lot closer to the people close to my heart.
words i normally omit suddenly resurfaced, such as a simple “thanks for your effort, mommy”, or “i love you, mommy”.
i now appreciate everyone so much more than before, and have learnt to voice out the appreciation so that the other party knows that they are being appreciated.
it’s a nice feeling to be appreciated, right?

moreover, i was given sooooooooo many opportunities to see beautiful acts of love i have been receiving from people around me.

this test will show me more truths in life.

i’ve been resting in bed a lot this 2 days.
just lying there, feeling comfortable.
i don’t know if the heat/chill have left me already or not.
maybe it’s slowly dissipating, that’s why i no longer feel as uncomfortable in bed like before.

yesterday night, i tried to take a photo of my neck and my face..
it was really a bad angle, because when i looked at the photo, i got the shock of my life.
i got freaked out by my own photo, because i look like a rotting zombie.
especially when my eyelids can’t close entirely as it’s dry as paper,
i can see some of my conjunctiva through the gaps between my eye lids.
absolutely horrible! i deleted the photo immediately after that.

i guess i’m feeling a little better since i get to sleep without worries this 2 days.
i managed to sleep for 5 hours last night.
btw, for the past 2 months my sleep pattern have been shifting….
just a week ago i was still sleeping at 3-8pm, then 6pm-12am, but last night…
i went to bed around 10pm.
i woke up this morning at 3am though, but i thought it’s a good baby step to regain my normal circadian rhythm.

this has to be the longest post i ever made on wordpress.

before i end, a short update of my skin.
scalp : still has scab that oozes if it flakes off.
face : as mentioned above, rotting zombie. still peels and ooze, but it doesn’t appear to be as red as a month back.
neck : it has been ok for a month, but theses few weeks, it started getting dry. it cracked last night.
shoulder : left shoulder is rashy and peeling (rather thick skin). dry. right shoulder looks better.
arm : wrist and elbow are peeling like my shoulder.
torso : back is perfect – smooth and supple. front is a little more dry and rashy.
legs : thigh and calf are dry and peeling. ooze sometimes. thigh peels like shoulder. calf flakes thin skin.
feet : both of my feet are drying up and healing! but still a long way to go.

skin not burning in general.

i guess the area that have really raw skin are very badly damaged by the steroids.
those are the area which will ooze, then form a scab (which is a skin matrix but filled with many yellow dots, i believe they are the dried up exudate)which peels off easily, and then reveal pink and shiny skin which usually show wells (vesiculation). then process repeats until one day you realize the scab that forms has more of a skin-like-consistency (lesser and lesser yellow dots).

may my body recover soon.
and may all my skin friends get relief soon.

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