11 months 1 day

i see no need to update as frequently these days.

it’s been another month for me,
things are more or less the same…?
“bloody wounds” are still taking time to recover.
i see minute changes, like a small change in skin texture in those areas..
but nothing too significant.

everything is cycling through,
some days i’m ok,
some days i feel really miserable.
i don’t feel like i ever got out of this flare, yet.
it’s almost… 5 months, if i count from october.
flare number 2 feels very much different from flare number 1.
flare #1 cleared up quite a bit in 4 months time,
i got like 3 weeks of rather quiet time, skin was not normal but it’s not as bad as what it is right now.
for flare #2, it’s been 5 months and skin is no where near what i had during the break that time.
need more time?

hands and feet still scaling.
very red.
rampant vesiculation around borders of redness.
redness seems to be spreading, my right toe is quite sad right now.
i hope it don’t spread to my sole.
skin can crack.

cheeks still oozing,
not as raw as before but it’s still a “bloody wound”.
scalp still dry, lots of dandruff, hair fall is still scary.
the area around my eye socket and nose bridge isn’t as swollen as before anymore.
suddenly my nose bridge feels higher, as if i went for a plastic surgery, haha!

back seems to be having a small problem,
it oozed a bit a few nights ago.
i hope “bloody wounds” don’t form on my back.

i observe general atrophy all over my skin.
it seems like there ain’t any lipids in my skin at all.
i’m considering to use some cetaphil restoraderm after the redness dissipates,
but that will be quite far in the future.

i also noticed quite a number of little moles..
i think it’s due to the scratching, it probably triggered the melanin production.
i have very prominent black spots here and there,
i think they’ll go away in a few years time.

man, it’s been 11 months.
“i made it this far!”, i repeat this every month.
initially i thought things will be so much better by the end of 6 months,
looks like i was too optimistic.
right now, i don’t even dare to tell myself “things will be better by 1 year’s time”,
because at 11 months, things don’t look to optimistic.
who else to blame but the derm and myself?
slathered on way too much steroids for too long.

fml.

i think i’m going to grow some humongous biceps from scratching all the time.
hahaha!

hope all the other skin warriors are going on strong.

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4 thoughts on “11 months 1 day

  1. <3<3 hang in there! I thought I'd be good as new in a month, then 2 months, then 3 months, and now I'm just rolling with it – it's all we can do 😀 Your comment about your nose bridge is funny!!! All those girls paying thousands for a new nose when there's 'free' rhinoplasty hee hee.

  2. Hi,
    I just found your blog. I cannot express how less alone I feel.
    Just wanted to let you know I am here with you…struggling with you, being so damn itchy with you, having my skin weep with you…etc…through our journey of healing.
    I have been massively abusing steroids for 20 years (I am 22). Our nanny thought hydrocortisone was a magical cream that made my eczema disappear, and I didn’t know any better either.
    Now, being a young woman with such a horrible skin disease, I feel soo miserable. I look at the other 21 year old girls complain about their small eyes, being fat, big noses etc…and I just think well AT LEAST YOU HAVE NORMAL SKIN!!! lol
    Stay strong, and thank you for your blog. You have lightened my day so much just to know that I am not alone.

    • hi steph,
      i’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through the same shit.. on one hand i’m glad that you have found my blog and realized that you’re not alone, on the other, i just hate to see more people joining me in this hellish journey.

      your skin will recover and heal : ) what we have isn’t a disease, really. just badly damaged skin from the steroids. we will heal!

      i hope you’re staying strong. if you need any support, feel free to e-mail me at sugarcrusted@gmail.com !

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