little updates for the changes I have seen in the past month:
– the “bloody wound” on my face, shoulder, elbow and calf is slowly recovering. area that was raised is now flat. still ooze and flakes though. not healed yet. 6 months and counting.
– skin feels a little swollen all over, I guess it’s edema.
– hands look smoother after shedding, lines not as deep set anymore, but it’s still very red and dry.
– redness spreaded to part of my palm and sole. raised and flakes and cracks.
– left index finger is really bad, raw and oozing. flakes and crack too.
– new oozing wound on the back of my calves, both sides. jeez. this thing never cease. have to bandage my leg to sleep in order to keep The ooze away from my bed. fuck this shit.
all in all, I see more worsening than improving.
I’m still red! scalp still dry.
I’m starting to consider cyclosporine, but I don’t know if that will help in the long run, or would it be a temporary fix. after all it is quite a load on the liver and kidney, I don’t really want to risk it. secondly, I still don’t want to see a doctor and be told otherwise about what I am going through.
I still don’t have the courage to look at my skin in daylight/lighted condition. it’s better to not see it at all.
when will all this end? I think I am in a continual flare, I have no idea why the body can be inflamed for so long. I am quite discouraged, to be honest.. but I have no choice but to keep going on.
for the past 6 months ever since my face turned really bad, I haven’t been able to open my eyes properly. my eye brows have been falling off too and have yet to grow back. last thing I want to do is to be seen by people.
I think it’s just as heartbreaking for my mother to see me like this.
I hope the end comes soon and set me free from this ordeal. fuck all these, seriously. what the fuck.