month 37

17 april 2014

ohhhhhhhhhh right.
must be the time of the month again, because my skin feels extra sensitive.
thanks alot steroids, for making my skin so fragile.

i reacted to my makeup remover 2 days ago,
my skin broke out in dozens of tiny bumps 😦
it’s been 2 days and it’s still subsiding. 🙂
it’s my first time experiencing something like that.. so..
i’m not sure why the sudden onset of extra sensitive skin other than to attribute it to the hormones. damn you, progesterone.

the underside of my arms are getting more itchy lately too.

============

25 april 2014


one week later, the bumps that were on my eyes (and part of my jaw) are finally gone!
they dried up over the week and i could feel my skin getting thicker and rougher. i thought it’s gonna be another round of rashes that’d stay for a few months.
lucky me, the skin exfoliated right off in the shower when they’re ready to go, and now my skin is normal again.


you can judge the swelling going away when my eyelid folds came back.

i have to be gentler to my skin after this episode.
i never had a case of contact allergy before, that make up remover wasn’t something new in my arsenal either.

what’s left are a few dry patches around my lips, which has been there since month 36’s update. it was hurting me a lot in the previous week after i perspire, but i can’t feel anything this week anymore.
i guess it’s a sign of it healing.
it’s not irritating me right now, but i feel like i look as though i have some mustache/beard growing around my lips.


something like that.
HAHAHHA i know it’s all in my head. but i can’t deny this is what the rashy part around my lips make me feel.

when i touch it with my fingers, i can tell that the skin there feels different.
or rather, the skin there feels different when i touch it with my finger.
hahahahha wait, did i just confuse you?
those areas are a little “numb”. they’re not as sensitive as the other part of my face or skin. it’s somewhat similar to the feeling i got a long time ago during my flares.

the skin was visibly more fragile a week ago than right now.
it’s just a little darker than it should be right now, and unless i’m sweating or overheating, it shouldn’t appear overly red.

also had a surprise rash on my nose bridge.
i have no idea about the how and why, it just appeared.
it doesn’t itch, it just flakes, and peels, and the skin appears redder and thinner.

my skin is doing much better this week.
the rashes on my arms are subsiding once more.
i have experimented with some sea salt soaks on part of my skin, holy crap they irritated the shit out of my skin – it turned red, itchy, raised, it look so inflammed.

BUT, a very big BUT,
a week later those thick skin fell off and it does look visibly better (when compared to after it got red),
less red, less dry (oh well, all the dry skin fell out), and not raised anymore.
but i don’t recall how it looks like before the soak..
so.. i may have to try it again to see if it’s really effective.
there’s no point in making my skin worse and then seeing the improvements unless it’s improving against the original state, not the worse state, if that makes any sense at all.

so many things that i can’t explain,
sometimes i feel like my TSW self – to stop trying to figure things out and just let it be.
hurts my brain to ask those seemingly endless and un-answerable questions.

fuck it.

april is ending soon, it’s a good time to get back on track on my clean eating.

====================

27 april 2014

i do update more often when there’s something going on with my skin.

skin around my lips are changing skin daily.
ouch when i start perspiring, it wasn’t as bad as having pains all over my body in the past, but still, FTS.
the skin looks very unsightly when it’s dry because it’s somewhere in between wanting to flake off, and wanting to hang on a little longer. and because the skin around the lips are stretched so frequently, the dry skin cracks up like the soil bed of a dried up pond.

i realized that leathery look is due to the dry skin.

also, last night i woke up at 5+am all of a sudden to an hour long itching session.
i was quite conscious yet unconscious at the same time,
i tried to go back to sleep but i just couldn’t!
this reminds me so much of the past when i would wake up after sleeping for 3 hours.
the itch was mostly on my thighs, so i kept caressing it to soothe that itch under my skin.
it went away after an hour and i fell back asleep unknowingly.

what the hell’s happening in my body!?
there are times i want to rip my ovaries out.
(on hindsight, ovaries, i was just kidding and saying silly stuff. i still love you!)

=====================

3 may 2014

after two weeks of bad skin, it seems like things are taking a short break.
and what’s new? it coincides with my menses.

on a side note, i’ve started to cut out processed food out of my diet once again.
i don’t want to make the internal environment any more pro-inflammatory than it already is.
even if it doesn’t have a positive impact on my skin, it’ll be good for my health in the long run.
i just needed a real reason to kick me back into the routine again.
YAY! let’s see how long my clean eating can last this time.

my record was about 5 months last year when i was on the low carb diet (for other reasons :X).

also, a week ago my chin area was kinda horrible.
it gets dry and then cracks when i stretch my mouth, since the skin were relatively thick, the cracks were kinda obvious.

a week later, the skin flake’s thickness has dropped tremendously.
let’s give it another week and see how it goes.

over the week, my jaw line isn’t bumpy anymore.
i didn’t mention this the last time, but for the past 2 weeks (ever since that makeup remover saga), there are some tiny bumps around my jaw.
now it’s back to smooth and supple skin.
THANK GOD.

the rash on my nose is clearing up slowly.
doesn’t look prominent anymore, still a little drier, but not too obvious.

neck was painful a few days ago, but has calmed down by now.
it has a life on its own, and i’ll leave it at that.

there was some itch going on on my abdomen a few days ago,
over the next few days it become drier, rougher, but by now it’s back to baby smooth skin again.

that rash on leg is changing skin, once every few days.
the skin is thick and scaly, i love harvesting them when they are ripe.
HAHAHAH i’m a friggin skin farmer. with every harvest, the skin appears less red than before for a few days,
and then it seems get a little worse before forming a new layer of thick skin.
such, is the process of skin farming.

happy to report i only itched that particular night, for an hour.
sleep has been good.
been having a lot of crazy dreams lately.

and i don’t know if i should add this in,
because my hair fall has been a little more cray cray than usual,
but, i don’ t know what is considered “normal” anymore.
i’ll just note this down, because i feel like my hairline receded a little,
or am i just over critical?

==============================

10 may 2014

i think i’ve caught a pattern.
my face is on a 1 week cycle.
last week my face felt calm and fine, today my skin started aching.
i don’t know if it’s the perspiration that irritated my skin or what.
i didn’t care, i feel that the pain will signal to my body to recover it anyway, so it’s not a bad thing.
just mildly irritating.

i feel like my mouth area and neck area are the most problematic for now.
but i’m pretty sure it’ll be fine in time to come.

PATIENCE.

lately, the question that accompanies me to bed is the cause of the gradual deterioration of the skin.
is it the defective epidermis, or the inability for my skin cells to produce sufficient amount of cortisol, or the death of cortisol receptors, or.. and then i fell asleep.

the rest of my body is rather stagnant, yea, rashes here and there but it’s so mild.
slight discoloration as expected.
turns red when the heat is high, which is almost a daily thing in singapore.

otherwise, skin is actually quite supple most of the time other than the rashy areas which are significantly drier and rougher.

==============================

11 may 2014

end of month update.
yesterday my lip area hurt like a little bitch,
today, it didn’t hurt anymore, instead, it became a layer to thick and dry skin.
it finally cracked and got rubbed off by me at the end of the day during my shower.

i guess i can only say it’s one small cycle down, on to the second one?
must always remind myself

nothing is permanent

instead of observing my daily progress, i should just take it easy and look at it from a macro perspective, say, in terms of months.
small fluctuations does not tell the general trend accurately.

that’s all for this month.

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