[brainfart] the D word that no one talks about openly


starting off this entry with a word of gratitude for every kind soul who have passed by my blog, and decide to leave behind beautiful foot prints in the form of comments.

thank you all so much for showing me your appreciation for my blog, my sharing, my experience, my rants and.. everything else you see here.
while i’ve received pretty nasty comments before, they’re once in a blue moon and doesn’t even come close to the amount of love i’ve received from everyone else.

i’m suddenly feeling all sentimental because today, i woke up to news of robin williams passing away, most probably due to him losing the fight against depression.


aren’t we all pretty familiar with that?
it struck a chord in me when i read about him dealing with severe depression (according to the tabloids, not sure how true it is, but whatever, it sparked thoughts in me!).

i can’t remember how many times i wished i can just die during the darkest nights.
i pictured myself crossing the road and being knocked down by a car.
being in a bus and get involved in a car crash.
you know what’s the most ridiculous thought i had?

hoping that the mayan apocalypse in 2012, december 12 is true.
it’s a good way to die, because everyone dies together.
no one will be left behind to face the grief of lost ones.
everyone will be lost.
my parents won’t be sad. my friends won’t be sad.
no one will be sad if i died, because they’re all dying with me!

sadly, or fortunately, it didn’t happen.
it’s 2014 now, while the apocalypse didn’t destroy us,
i’m pretty sure we’re still dying slowly.

but people with depression?
they die in an accelerated manner,
but you won’t be able to tell because..
they die from within.

isn’t that the scariest thing?
depression is like a bug that eats you alive from the inside out.

i think we can all resonate with that.

i wrote this earlier on, i thought i’d share it here too.

“you never know what’s behind that facade you see, a story that was never told or couldn’t be understood so easily unless you’re in their shoes.
i truly hope the world can be a better place because of sweet people like all of you.
just a little more patience, understanding and appreciation will go a long way.
the circle of kindness is a big one 🙂
let’s spread this antidote to more people in need!”

don’t be too quick to assume or to judge,
that’s all i’m trying to say.
instead, be kind. you never know how you can save someone’s life – be it by giving them hope, or by showing them kindness which reignite the lost faith in life.

and for all those who’re worried that the depression brought about by the withdrawals will impair you for life, fret not.
it’ll make you stronger (unless you are defeated by it halfway through the course…..) and it’ll leave you eventually.

look at me now, I’M TITANIUM! *david guetta’s song starts playing in your mind*



6 thoughts on “[brainfart] the D word that no one talks about openly

  1. Great Post Juliana! You have been such a help to me…Robin Williams was truly a giver. He connected with almost every generation…all the while bravely struggling inside. With TSW I see that it not only affects the skin but also the spirit. It is a hard journey that really impacts the whole family. I think that is why we look to all the other people going through this. When we can relate it takes some of the stress off and connects us. Thank you for sharing your story. It has helped me and my daughter so much. It was brave of you and caring of you to write this blog. You are special.

    • alisa, you’re so right. TSW don’t just wear out our body, but our minds too. and being able to connect with others definitely helps in retaining part of our sanity.

      🙂 thank you so much for your appreciation! i hope your daughter and you get better soon!


  2. Depression !!! Thats what i am going through that fear of looking ugly and wat if it wont happen “Healing” .. phewww! Mann i cpuld totally resonate with your thoughts! Lovely way to put on the quotes .. 🙂

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