this topic photo really sums it up: it’s been a roller coaster ride for me!
just when i thought my skin is getting better, it’s showing signs of worsening again.
i figured it’s beyond my own power to make things better now.
my body has the ability to recover, yes, but i need help now.

24 december 2015

silent night~ holy night~
it’s christmas eve today, but i’m staying in to finish some work.

my skin is feeling surprisingly smooth and hydrated the past 2 days.
this is a stark difference from 2 days ago, and the weeks before that (considering my legs, abdomen, and arms were all so dry and rough).
not sure if it has anything to do with my period, but my period just ended.
the discoloration is real, but i know it’ll fade away with time.

face is no longer red, but still has a pinkish tone to it. my skin appears to be thinner than before.
feels exactly like.. january 2013. when i first begun my Traditional Chinese Medicine treatment then.
i wake up to a little dry skin on my face daily for the past 2 weeks or so, especially between my brows and near my eyelids.
my cheeks are dry too, but they shed in the shower after being wet with water.
i know my skin is getting better before the new skin beneath is a lot more sturdy, less shiny, and less tight as each day passes by.

my lip area still sheds a layer of skin daily.
hahaha so fascinating. like dried up elmer’s glue!

feels like the driest part are actually my hands and feet right now.

talking about my period, this time my skin got really sensitive prior to that.
my knee area broke out into hives after i scratched it.
it also happened when my shorts rubbed against my skin as i’m walking 0_0
i felt my skin turning hot and itchy, i tried to ignore it but it persisted for a good half an hour.
it’s only after reaching home that i noticed i have hives on my knees.
strange enough, it never occurred again after my period began.
weird body is weird.

i’ve also been super tired the past few weeks,
sleeping about 10 hours on average for a week or two.
i’m happy i’m able to sleep, don’t get me wrong!
it’s just weird. and i wake up feeling super dried out.
hate that feeling.

sleep is slowly becoming more normal after my period ended.

6 january 2016

within the past 2 weeks, my skin went through another shedding phase.
holy cow, skin knows how to shed! i was snowing skin, probably worsened by my lack of rest the past week.
i’m catching up on sleep now!

i think my skin is improving generally. the decrease in level of redness is a good sign.
now it’s down to the pigmentation again!
still sensitive though, will work up an itch that dies down quickly if i don’t irritate it any further.

11 january 2016

the past few days, i’ve been waking up with white thin flakes on my face.
i haven’t had that in a while, and it’s puzzling me.

period is coming in a few days time,
my sleep quality is more shitty and i sleep lesser too.
i kept waking throughout the night after every dream.
it’s so weird because just a few days ago i was clocking in 10 hours of sleep a day.
8 hours of sleep at night isn’t enough, i had to nap in the afternoon too!

i decided it’s time to stop experimenting on my own and just go back to what used to work for me 3 years ago (i’m talking about the TCM treatment i had in 2013 which led me to recovery in 2013 and 2014).
the only reason why i’m trying OTC herbs is because i thought it’s something everyone can have access to if it worked on me!
but my doctor told me the OTC herbs are usually a lot lower in strength and would require a long time to work,
especially when i am not at optimal health.

he said “you have a sickness and you need to deal with that first.”
by sickness he means my body isn’t functioning the way it should.
i think he makes sense. if i’m not in a healthy state, i don’t have the energy to help everyone else!

he also confirmed that i’m slightly anemic based on my observations of my menstrual blood.

today i felt a little defeated, but also glad that i know this treatment will work (as it has worked before, and many others have had success with it too).
my doctor explained a little more to me this time round!
he said his medication focuses on the liver system and kidney system (the TCM definition of the liver and kidney is different from western medicine) so as to clean the blood better,
that way my skin will be clear again in time to come.

he also said i have fungus on my skin, which is what caused the constant shedding of white flakes.
he attributed that to my weaker immune system not being able to protect myself from the microbes in the environment.

so he prescribed me a supposedly antiseptic body wash (he said the powder will kill off the fungus), medicated vinegar that i should use liberally whenever possible, and oral medication to get my liver and kidneys working!

and i’m going to improve my blood situation by eating food that will promote blood production! so it’s not all about medication 🙂 eventually, after the imbalance is corrected, i’d like to use food as my healing tool to continue improving my health.

with that, i should be writing about all the things i’ve tried in another entry soon.
i can finally talk about all of them.

no matter how defeated i felt, i realized i never once thought of “putting an end to everything” (if you know what i mean).
i was on my hour long bus ride home, while staring out of the window looking exactly like what movie makes would portray on the big screen,
i asked myself “how come i never thought of killing myself if this is never ending?”.
and then i just smiled, because i know i’m not living my life for me,
but for everyone else who’s facing the same problem.
i truly believe i will find the answer to my health eventually,
and so will you.

i shall continue to motivate and lend some little strength that i have left to all of you who need it.

don’t give up. 🙂


14 thoughts on “MONTH 57

  1. Hi Juliana
    wish you lots of health and strength for 2016!
    Thanks for your letters to encourage others that suffer from skin problems 💖

    Perhaps DNA analyses one day can give the
    answer why some have got atopic skin.

    Warm hugs from “MUM”

    • thank you so much for your well wishes! haha, i think it’s futile to read into our genes. what’s written is already written. the best we can do is to find out how to minimize those gene expression through environmental changes. epigenetics is real!

    • Yes! I am totally agree with you.
      Light therapy is option way to heal skin ezema like my dermatologist saided.
      – Dual NT
      – excimer
      They are holy grail to me skin.

    • i used to, but not anymore. i’m very inconsistent with my supplements now because i’m on traditional chinese medicine! i will look into light therapy! thank you!

  2. Hi Juliana, I’ll know you get there and you’ll get all the answers in the end. I’m 48 months post steroids and everything is better except ny hands and face. One thing that really helped me was three weeks of brilliant sunshine. It turned out I was a little Vitamin D deficient and this definitely was the answer to cracks in my fingers. I also made sure I took a couple of Vitamin D cofactors supplements magnesium and zinc. I seem to get enough Vitamin A, boron and Vitamin K in my diet. Happy healing. Xx

    • i’m glad it’s helping you! the last time i tried vitamin D capsules, i felt like they helped me sleep better at night! could be coincidence.. but that effect wore off after a few months so i really don’t know. but based on my lifestyle it’s very likely that i’m deficient in vitamin D. often times it’s more than just 1 single vitamin deficiency that led to our poor state of health, so it’s really good that you’re taking other supplements too!

      good luck!!

  3. Hi when ur skin is shedding, do u apply any moisturizer or anything on the shedding area. I also stay in Singapore. Can you let me know the TCM which u visit? You can email me. Thanks. I hope you are feeling better. I am going through a rough patch. Although is not as serious as before, but I already have the fear that it may become worse than before. Touchwood!
    I have stop steroids for 5 years

    • i try not to apply anything when it’s shedding so that it helps it shed faster. the TCM i visit is called gingko tcm, it’s at rochor center. thanks for the well wishes! i already feel better than before, but it’ll take more time to feel even better 🙂 good luck!

  4. Definitely some of us are facing the same problem, and I wouldn’t like you to quit, Juliana!! I believe as well that you have great force force within you, so let’s forget about those “little strenght” terms.

  5. Hey Juliana, hang in there. We are living for ourselves and people who loved us and care about us. Keep motivating us! You are already one other reason for us to keep believing, and living through the shitty experience… We will only know how our beautiful skin will heal if we live on!!

    • aww thank you so much 🙂 i’ll keep staying strong! i’m very hopeful that i’ll recover. in the mean time i’ll think of how i want to maintain my good skin and health when i finally get it back.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s