it’s more important than you might think.
i’m in one of those pensive moods lately, it’s sort of the side effect of feeling moody.
not every thought gets to be written down and shared with people,
so this thought came at the right time because if it hit me a week ago, i’d be “meh!” and let it slide into the depths of my mind.
thankfully, i’m feeling a bit more motivated to get things done this few days,
so here goes.
as i was surfing the internet on my laptop,
i randomly look down at my hands that are laid out on the keyboard.
i think it’s a subconscious habit to always take a look at my hands and scrutinize my skin (which explains why i always felt bad the past few months because my hands looked kinda bad),
and it only surfaced to my awareness just now because i noticed how beautiful my skin looked.
for once, i’m not upset after looking down! i didn’t know i can NOT feel upset until just now!
it’s not perfect yet, but they look so much better than before.
lesser wounds, lesser redness, skin isn’t as elephant-y.
it actually feels smooth and soft again (i did use a moisturizer, as i felt it’s the right time to use it now).
what i did next made me think i’m borderline crazy.
i looked at my left hand while caressing it with my right hand as though it’s a little puppy in need of love.
“you look so good! you’re doing so well! keep up the good work!”
then i looked at my right hand.
“you’ve done an amazing job healing! keep up the good work!”
as i touched it with my left, i looked at it lovingly before holding it near my lips and giving it a kiss.
i know, i know. it sounds dramatic as hell, but i really did that! haha!
and then i smiled to myself and thought “how wonderful and amazing is my body? you’re doing such a good job healing from the damage i’ve dealt, yet i have been undermining your efforts by thinking you’re not healing fast enough.”
i wrapped my palms around my cheeks (they’re currently going through another cycle), gave it a light pat of affirmation, closed my eyes, and took in a deep breath.
and i smiled again.
being kind to myself elicits a surge of good feeling, and it puts my mind in the right place that aids healing.
it takes away stress and channel more positivity into a difficult time like this.
surely, you’ve felt unappreciated before in your life,
that didn’t feel good, right?
if my body had feelings, it probably felt like shit because i neglected the fact that it’s working over time to recover.
just because i’m not seeing progress on the surface doesn’t mean it isn’t progressing!
“no observable changes” is not the same as “no changes”.
even though other parts of my body might look worse, focusing on what’s getting better worked really well for me.
you really have to experience yourself, it’s cathartic somewhat.
it might be easier to imagine your body and skin as something adorable.
in my case i really felt like i was speaking to a cute little puppy.
love yourself, and feel better.
p.s. photo of my hand over the month