i know that when i look back at these years i’ve spent rebuilding my health,
it will all make sense because i’ve finally arrived at the conclusion, the one question i’ve been asking – what caused my skin to go bad again?

it will all make sense, eventually.
every thing i’ve experience is but a data point that paints the bigger picture i’m trying to see.
i need time, and more patience.23 APRIL 2016

in the past week, my wrist has gotten better. it’s back to shedding thinner scales instead of thicker, yellowish scales.
skin between my fingers aren’t raised and itchy as before.
but fingers are still a little swollen.

arm and legs are borderline okay.
not normal yet, since they still shed every few days, but it’s not burning red nor oozing.
no raised rashes on those areas, so i’m fine.
in fact it’s getting less red over time.

my face and neck though..
face is now back in the general redness.
i look sun burnt. there’s general dryness, lots of tiny skin flakes instead of sheets of skin.
reminiscent of how i looked at 3 years old – red panda eyes from my allergies?

body is mostly smooth, but has thin skin.
it also has a deep red colour.
but also no raised patches, which is an improvement to me.

perspiration appears to be getting back to normal.
i can sweat from my back now! in fact, i can sweat anywhere.

but scalp is still dry, no signs of sebum yet.
actually, just very little, but it seems to be inconsistent at the moment.

to round things up, i’m still trying to go on plant-based diet, but not at 100% yet since i still have soup made from animals.
but safe to say my meat consumption has been minimal.
i think i’m probably 1 month in?
skin on my body feels better. by better i mean it’s not rashy, nor is it constantly rough.
but it’s not normal yet. if i don’t moisturize, it’ll be plasticky.
and i got that weird numbed feeling when clothes brush past my skin. i don’t like that.

my face and hand flared up the past month and that bothers me.
but hey, natural healing is like that, right?
came across this website which detailed what to expect when improving my diet.
i’m still at the weight loss stage i guess.
already lost around 2kg so far. not that i have a lot of stuff to lose in the first place!

gotta stay strong and hang in there..

6 MAY 2016

self documentation is hard when things are getting worse.

hands got better then worse again,
face got better then worse again.
basically things are up and down.

face is back to the full blown redness, slightly raw.
neck too. they itch.
plasticky face again, 2nd flare this year.
scalp is having some issue too. itchy itchy.

the rest of my body isn’t as itchy,
but it’s still hella dry and fragile.

on the other hand,
i’m perspiring a lot easier than before, it’s always a good news.
sleep is getting better, but it’s only been a few days since i DIDN’T wake at 1am or 3am in the morning,
keeping my fingers crossed.
being able to clock in at least 7 hours of sleep a night is a blessing.

i wouldn’t call what i’m going through TSW symptoms since it’s probably not caused by the withdrawals of steroids,
i don’t know what brought about it, but the symptoms i’m experiencing are rather similar to the past.
but one thing for sure, if i was never addicted to steroids in the first place, i wouldn’t still be paying the debt now.

12 MAY 2016

i ask myself a question, sit on it, and get an answer back after some time.
it’s just a hunch.
if there could be one explanation that explains ALL the symptoms i had in the past 2 years,
my hypothesis have a higher chance of being true.

i’ll talk about it at the end of my observation.
it’s too early to be too sure about it, and considering my blog is being read by people other than myself,
i need to be responsible to everyone else.

skin has been gradually worsening this past month.

skin on neck is very fragile, it doesn’t ooze but it seep moisture if i scratch it.

sleep has been getting a little better, but falling asleep is still hard.
it’s even harder when my neck and back feels warm and moist when in contact with the bed for too long.

still waking up at least once a night, on a bad night i’d wake after every cycle (1.5-2 hours each).
on a good night, just once, usually between 3-5am.
i can fall back asleep quickly though.

finger joints are hurting.
inflammation is increasing.

face is back to the red tomato stage.
dry, plasticky, all that jazz.

the only good news is my mood is rather positive.
not chirpy happy, but i’m not depressed.

arms, legs are ok.
not giving me any problems now, just a little dry and fragile looking.

looking at photos of myself will stress me out, so no photos this month.
i probably won’t put up anymore photos until things make a positive change again.

not doing low nickel diet anymore, because i realize it didn’t have any significant impact.
still going to go on a plant based diet, but not 100% meat free yet.
continuing my gluten free diet. i tried introducing some biscuits and my tummy told me it doesn’t agree with it. makes me extremely gassy and fml, that smell.. =_=
still on TCM, currently trying to improve my sleep while detoxing for my skin.


19 thoughts on “MONTH 61

  1. Dear Juliana,
    Thank you for giving us all information about you, it makes sense. But I feel so sorry for all the downs you have to go through. Isn’t there any scientific research going on, to get a solution why atopic skin behaves like it does? I think it is on a DNA level, so when we know how this DNA looks like, we hopefully can find the treatment.

    Hugs to you, Juliana. I still admire you and will follow you as long you allow me.

    • thank you for your kindness.. 🙂 it warms my heart. the body is too complex, i don’t think any research in our current times can give us the answer we want, because each individual is different. i believe there is only one way to health, and that is to live right, and i’m going to do that 🙂

  2. Hi
    Everyday doing the experiment on our body is tried. I also around 5 year withdarawl. Everytime the skin goes worse, I have to think all the reason that may posible make it. It is fucking tried. When I looking at some kids, I always think what the different between Me and They. Just used some steriod and having the eczema.

    Actually, Hope already lost, but life still going on. For myself, life is forcing to find the hope.

    • thanks for your input 😉 i’ve considered that possibility before, however, my original diet which contains chicken and pork doesn’t really give me that much omega 3 either. while your suggestion is possible, it’s rather unlikely based on my analysis.

  3. Hi Juliana,

    I’ve been following your blog for a few years now after my daughter stopped using steroid. She stopped on 1st July 2011 to be exact. She was 10 years old then. We are staying in Singapore too so following your blog feels much more “real” since you are so close to home. Your blog has given me strength in my darkest days and I want to thank you for that. I shall not bore you with the details of how and why I stopped putting steroid on my girl (I can via email if you want 🙂 but wanted to share with you a treatment since someone here mentioned that steroid changed our skin at the DNA level. I agree with that person totally.

    You can read more if you are interested :

    Again, I’m not selling anything here and I’m not associated with the company.

    All the best! 我在为我女儿加油的当儿也在为你打气!:)

    • thank you so much for your encouragement! i hope your daughter is doing much better now! there is no doubt that topical steroids have changed something in our body that affects DNA expression of our cells. i hope for you both to stay strong and happy!

  4. Try water fasting check out did a 36 day one myself and healed me so much and have done 5-10 since then. Raw vegan diet or 90% raw check out fully raw Kristina and freeleethe banana girl on youtube
    Also there is a small girl who was healed going raw on Instagram her name is Dehappy5_mama scroll thru to.see pix

    • hey celeste, thanks for your suggestion! i tried water fasting for 6 days, i couldn’t go any longer. i’m glad to know it worked well for you! i think there’s underlying issues in my body that makes me unsuitable for water fasting at this moment. i’ll give raw vegan diet a try some time later, as i’m unable to do grocery shopping myself at the moment! thanks for your info!

  5. Dear Juliana,

    I am suffering the same situation like you now. I’ve been stopped taking steroids in October 2012. My skin condition is look like the same you’ve had in 2011.
    But mine is getting better in summer 2013. In 2014, it recovered 70%.

    Unfortunately, my skin is bad now. Just like go back to 2012-2013. I feel useless and sad. And I really don’t know what to do. The things that I or we can do are stay strong and positive.

    We will overcome. Just want to share my own experience with you. You are not alone:)

    • thanks for your encouragement! i really hope you feel better soon. this thing is too torturing. i’d recommend seeing a traditional chinese doctor to help with your health 🙂

  6. Hi Juliana!
    Sending you healing vibes and lots of love! You’ve been in this journey for a minute, and definitely deserve relief! I pray you recieve it soon & good on you for transitioning to plant based! It will for sure aid in your healing! The more ️️fruits you can get in, the better!

    Take care & God bless!
    Jen 💜

  7. Hey Julianna,
    I am going through a rough patch of ozzeyness. What is your best advice when dealing with this? I have it badly on my neck and around my eyes and mouth now. I’ve been 3 and a half years steroid free. I’m scared and I don’t want to go back to using them…

    • hey mandi, i’m sorry to hear about what you’re going through! sadly i don’t have much tips for dealing with oozing other than to let it air dry as much as possible. dr rap has suggested domeboro solution, but i didn’t bother to head out to find it. so that’s an option! it dries up the ooze! also, you might like to try using a diluted vinegar solution as a toner after you shower. the acidity will kill of any unwanted bacteria and promote skin health.

  8. Hi. I’m in month 51. Just went through a face and neck flare. My theory is this. According to a paper on the US government medical website it has been proven that Intramuscular injection of Corticosteroids damages the mitochondria of DNA. Obviously, to me, topical steroids must do the same damage after being used long enough to penetrate the subcutaneous layers of the dermis therefore damaging the DNA of our skin and subcutaneous layers, not to mention vasoconstriction leading to a blood coagulation disorder. So while the chemical of the steroids may actually leave the body (although I think there is some pharma residue that settles in the body like most drugs do) we still have to deal with our DNA correcting itself. No DNA doesn’t heal itself all at once. Its my understanding that the dna repairs and recheck and repairs and recheck. When it sees the need for repair it destroys the damage and starts from scratch. The closer and closer it gets to being properly repaired the farther and farther the time goes by for recheck so that the body can address other issues. The most critical issue gets the most attention. Once it’s not critical than it moves on its merry way to the next issue. That is my understanding. Which leads me to think that the flares that come months apart that resemble RSS flares are just the latest repair of DNA damage. It can tages years and years for damaged DNA to be corrected completely. This is why proper rest, exercise and nutrition are so important. Cause we gotta take care of our little hard working DNA repair guys. Just thought I’d share my philosophy. It’s ever changing but that’s my current belief.

    • i don’t know that much about DNA so i can’t comment on the actual mechanism, however i do agree that the flares are actually our body repairing itself! while it might take a long time for complete repair, i strongly believe that our body can repair itself completely if we allow it to do so. totally agree with you on getting proper rest, exercise and nutrition!

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