MONTH 61

i know that when i look back at these years i’ve spent rebuilding my health,
it will all make sense because i’ve finally arrived at the conclusion, the one question i’ve been asking – what caused my skin to go bad again?

it will all make sense, eventually.
every thing i’ve experience is but a data point that paints the bigger picture i’m trying to see.
i need time, and more patience. Continue reading

MONTH 60 [AKA 5 YEARS]


for the first time in the past 3 months, i actually look like myself again.
this month was particular harsh since i was healing pretty well in month 49 and suddenly things went in the opposite direction. 😦
good news is, after the low comes the high.
skin seems to be back on track again, for now.

this is just life reminding me how change is always present,
and we shouldn’t hold on to the belief that our skin will heal in a linear fashion, because that’s just not true.
failure to align ourselves with nature will only bring about disappointment.

scroll down for some photos. Continue reading

MONTH 59

this month is the month when i start to experience healing more obviously.
plenty of changes within 2 weeks, and i’m totally surprised.
of course when i’m going through the bad days of my cycle, i still feel like time stretches out – 2 days felt like 4 days.
but i’m slowly getting there! if i can feel myself healing, I PROBABLY AM.

very long entry with a lot of photo updates.
you might want to find out what changes i made to my diet. Continue reading

MONTH 58

time seem to have slowed down for me again, because i’m not filling up my time with meaningful task.
guilty as charged.
i finally made it through another month, and it’s also my first month back on my old TCM medication.
i’m finally uploading some photos this month because..
i know for a fact things are gonna get better with time, i don’t have to worry about you guys feeling upset seeing my skin behaving badly again.

Continue reading

MONTH 56

this has got to be the shortest update of late, because not only are there not much significant changes that begged me to note down, i also forgot to note things down the past month. too busy 😛

my skin is obviously unstable, but it’s been almost constant the past month. it’s a lot drier than it used to. it tend to itch at times, but not all the time. redness is low level and subdued, but it’s there and it irritates me.

my face peels every few days, and my body also shed skin every few days. that’s kind of the cycle it’s been going through the past month and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better yet.

the new herb i’m on is mainly to nourish the blood, but it’ll take a few months to see any effects. i’m not sure if i’ve mentioned this before, but my heart beat will increase when i take in a deep breath, and when i exhale, it slows down significantly. i observed this with a change in my menstrual blood (it looks a lot more watery than years ago), which was what led me to believe my blood volume might be below the optimal level. but there’s no way to measure that directly, right? so it’s just a guess, and i’m treating it to see if it improves. if it does, that means i’m right.

i also feel tired constantly despite getting enough sleep, which made me wonder if i have a case of adrenal fatigue.

but these symptoms can be caused by other things, and right now i think it fits my idea that my circulation isn’t that well, and my blood isn’t that nutritious for my body.

hopefully i have better news to report in another month or so! i hate feeling this fatigued.

over the past 2 months, these are the things that have changed:

1. red patchy rashes on my hands and neck have diffused and expanded, so now they don’t look like a sore thumb anymore. the colour of my skin is more uniform and isn’t as red.

2. skin on my face is very fragile, and turns red easily especially after my shower.

3. skin around lip area sheds almost on a daily basis, but the consistency of the skin has changed from hard and thick flakes to soft and thin pieces of skin. also, the new skin underneath is a lot more resilient than before.

4. my cuticles on some of my fingers have become recessed again. 😦

5. increased tendency to find inflamed follicles on my skin, they take a few days to heal.

6. neck area isn’t as red as before, but the dryness has slowly extended down my torso.

that’s all i can think of so far. i’m happy to report that there are NO OOZING.

things could have been worse, right? 🙂
i think my body is doing an amazing job trying to heal, i’ll do anything i can to support it.

MONTH 55


another month gone, more signs pointing me towards a different direction for my next step of my TCM treatment.

if I can take every ups and downs as a road sign, I’ll feel a lot better even when things appear worse because I know I’m gonna get there someday, as long as I follow the signs. I just can’t allow myself to lose faith or hope.

i haven’t been able to find time lately to reply to your comments as i’m on a holiday 😀
i’ll get back to you all in time to come!

Continue reading